Daddys rules for dating his daughter

You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date wi th my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine wit h me as long as it is okay with my daughter.

Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.

daddys rules for dating his daughter night

If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge.. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding h ands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat.

Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay.


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Old folks homes are better Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.

As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside.

The camouflaged face at the window is mine. Nov 12, 2, 1 Fayetteville, AR.

Haha, that was so freaking funny. Definitely brought back some memories. Jan 16, 15, 3, I have a friend who has two young daughters and has said that when they start dating he's going to tell the boy one thing I'm going to do to you.


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  8. Aug 2, 7, 3, 1, Las Vegas, NV. I was taking a girl out in high school, and when I showed up at her house, her dad and her older brother were sitting on the front porch cleaning guns. Jul 12, 6, Stillwater, OK. Donnyboy Lettin' the high times carry the low Oct 31, 22, 21, 1, I have a buddy went to his now wife's house for date Ask him if he shot My buddy needless to say knew not to mess with this dad Jun 11, 5, 1, Yukon, Oklahoma: Cimarron It's not dying I'm talking about, it's living.

    You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.

    Still I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place at your waist. Let me elaborate, when it comes to you even thinking about having sex with my daughter, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, cars, and other issues of the day.

    Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: I have no doubt that you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.

    Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh or fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.

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    Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops with spaghetti straps, midriff t-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka — zipped up to her throat.

    Movies with strong romantic themes are to be avoided; movies that feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

    Daddy rules for dating my daughter

    Do not lie to me. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

    I have a shotgun, a shovel, and four acres behind them. Be afraid, be very afraid. When my Agent Orange kicks in, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway, you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early , then return to your car — there is no need for you to come inside.