Hi Mandy, yes very true. It stings when you realise a partner will only stick with you when things are going well. You all just covered so many fears that have been restricting me from even allowing a relationdhip since knowing my illness.. Since my own diagnosis of kidney disease at the age of 35, dating has been tortuous and has yielded no results. As a 50 year old man struggling to make a sincere connection in a large cosmopolitan city like Toronto, I am often confronted with women who seem more intent on finding a partner that meets their list of expectations.
That is a shopping list of qualifications for Mr. Honestly, this is extremely frustrating and humiliating. Do I have to adjust my perspective here or am I doomed as a man to suffer quietly? Should I focus on dating women with a disability? Maybe join a kidney disease support group? I would prefer to socialize with healthy people and not dwell in the world of illness and disease; it tends to be self-absorbing and morose which I am equally guilty of. We can sit here and write about how kindness and compassion needs to be practised, but this culture is not always nice and tends to kick people who are down and out.
Should I even keep trying? Why should I bother? Sincerely Getting bitter and angry. Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. But I do believe that there is someone for us all out there, and also what goes round comes round. I wish you all the best in your journey, and feel free to keep in touch over social media!
Or have sex, or a conversation, or swap jokes, or share a meal, either. Certainly makes life simpler and quieter if nothing else, on the positive side. Even if there is a disturbing lack of choice involved. Hi Bruce, thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. Whatever will be will be, and life leads down other interesting paths sometimes!
Rosie and Sherry's Answer:
Thank you for sharing this. My wife and I both have had issues with dating prior to our relationship. There ere a lot of factors that have helped us on our journey together. She and I both were caregiviers to ill relatives prior to our relationship, and we both have physical and mental disabilities that have made ie it difficult in other relationships.
The difference is that we support each other no matter what. So neither of us are able to walk very well, but we are both warriors and fight daily to live our lives to the fullest. Additionally she is bipolar and has anxiety, while I suffer fro severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I handle the household chores and she manages the finances as neither of us are capable of working and we rely on her disability check every month. But we have discovered that we are better together than we ever were apart.
My family thinks the world of her, and her children who are close to my age have always accepted me with open arms, as I am the only husband she has had since her disability who truly treats her with love and respect. We have decided that we will be married until one of us passes away no matter what. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and share your personal story with me! Wishing you and those you love a happy and meaningful life ahead! Enjoyed your article so much! Just a little background on me—diagnosed with severe JIA in at the age of 8.
When I met my husband in college, I remember how his mother reacted when we announced our engagement. I overheard her questioning him because of my RA. We married in Ironically, my husband was diagnosed with MS in We have a very loving and strong marriage—we also take care of each other!!!
My partner and I have been together since we were 20 and he was diagnosed with MS at He told me to walk away if wanted to but it honestly never crossed my mind. I was very sick myself for a while and he was there every step of the way. He supported me through college and has been my biggest supporter and my rock and i always maintain that my degree is our degree.
7 Things You Need To Understand About Dating Someone With A Chronic Illness
We are definitely equals in our relationship. Thank you for sharing part of your life with me. This was a very interesting read thank you. I do not suffer from a chronic illness but would not find it a barrier. Physical and son psychological issues are not what I would call barriers to stop love. However I have a slightly different twist, can I as a single person expect someone to take on my responsibilities, I have a sick sibling who ultimately will be totally dependent on me?
This has caused major tension and breakup of previous relationships.
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Its not just the people who are sick that struggle. Wishing you all health, wealth, love and happiness x. It definitely is a struggle for caregivers too. I met my now husband after being diagnosed. I told him straight away and he made no promises. I have subsequently got much worse and we deal,with what life brings together.
There are still no promises.
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No one is perfect and sometimes it gets to us both. So far so good. Such a fantastic post! I too have been in relationships with people on both ends of the spectrum. He was abusive in more ways than one. The other extreme is my now husband. He still sees me as the same person and does everything he can to help me keep as much independence as possible. Thank you, and thank you for sharing! You just keep compromising little by little, until it becomes the norm. I always said I would never date anybody with a mental illness, after a couple of horrible dating experiences.
Disclosing Medical Conditions in Dating
In saying that, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety after my now husband and I got engaged. It was certainly very difficult for him during this time, and I feel the only reason we have made it is because he would always remind us both that the illness I had was just that, an illness, and he knew who he fell in love with. My husband also has epilepsy and I have spent many many sleepless nights next to him in hospital, however I have always found those scary moments to be instrumental in reminding me just how much I love him.
Sibce we were married I have developed a sometimes debilitating autoimmune disease which has its difficulties if course! Of course he gets tired and struggles sometimes, but nobody is perfect and we do show our worst sides to those we love the most. I have learned from him that love is a choice and not a feeling. Sometimes love feels good and sometimes it is a hard slog, but it is never worth giving up on the other person.
We make each other be the best we can be. This is a very interesting and needed post. In my case the spectrum was a little different.