I used to say "I just don't like hurting people. I've since realized that sure, I don't like hurting people, but what's really happening is that I don't like guilt and anxiety and conflict, so I ignore or avoid the "problem" to gain the illusion that "it's" they've gone away And the reality is that they might go away, but they do so wondering what the heck just happened and sometimes send a string of angry text messages. So before I offer some tips on breaking up with someone, I want to qualify this.
I've been on both sides, many times. I've had my heart smashed to bits twice, and I'm pretty sure I've smashed a couple. I've been on the receiving end of a casual relationship ending over text message, Facebook Chat, the "phase-out," and the "I'm gonna drink few glasses of wine while you tell me you're seeing someone more seriously now and we can no longer talk. And maybe it's because my current relationship has actually lasted longer than two weeks I wouldn't be surprised if our friends had a betting pool going so it won't seem completely insensitive to blog about it, or maybe it's because I feel convicted enough in my research to let the judgment fly, but either way, let's talk about breaking hearts.
Carrie Bradshaw told us that there is a good way to break up with somebody. But I disagree, and I think one of the reasons we have so many "phase-outs" is because heartbreakers believe they should probably have the face-to-face conversation but can't tolerate what they might feel if they do. So ease up on your expectations. Just set your goal to actually communicate to your in-the-dark admirer that you're no longer interested.
Thus, the number one tip for breaking up with someone is to actually break up with them. If you can't do it face to face, do it over text message, email, or Facebook Chat. This is better than a phase out. Let's change the culture from the all-or-nothing face-to-face or disappearing act to make space for the means in-between. Your ex will thank you, and you'll appreciate it when you're on the other end in the future.
For example, don't say "I'm not emotionally available" or "You deserve better. Try something like, "I'm not totally invested in this, and I don't think it's fair to you to continue stringing you along," or "I've been seeing someone else and I think we're a better fit for each other. Don't keep liking their Instagram photos and FB statuses, sending them messages "Thinking of you!
If you feel compelled to do any of the above, ask yourself if you're doing it for them or for you. I have a really hard time knowing people don't like me, but it's unrealistic to expect that an ex is going to just let a breakup slide off their back and switch to being buds with you.
Being rejected hurts, angers, and confuses peeps. The more selfless thing you can do in this situation is be firm with your decision. Remind yourself that feeling anxious, guilty, and conflicted and anything else is OK. It means you care.
Don't try to ignore the feelings or tell yourself you shouldn't feel uncomfortable because you're choosing to end it. Be kind to yourself. Anger is a natural reaction to hurt. Remember you're likely not impermeable to insult, so ensure you have supports as well to debrief any negative feedback you receive.
At the end of it all, it sucks for both parties. Hurting someone sucks, and so does getting hurt. But remember that uncomfortable feelings and difficult experiences are all part of being a human. And, if you feel guilty, it's a good thing — it means you have a conscience. Food has the power to create a happier and healthier world.
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Celebrity Nutritionist Kelly LeVeque will show you how. Group 8 Created with Sketch. Group 7 Created with Sketch. Email Created with Sketch. Group 9 Created with Sketch. Group 10 Created with Sketch. Group 11 Created with Sketch. Talk things over with friends. The caring shoulder of a close friend can be a valuable tool to rely on. Sometimes talking about your feelings is a good way to air them out and move on. A friend can help you recognize that what you're feeling is normal.
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Plus, getting your frustrations out into the open might be help you better understand and resolve them. Venting your emotions can be just as important as fixing the matter at hand. If you want to give your friends a break or do not have any you feel comfortable enough to talk to, write your feelings down instead. This practice can also help you release and vent your bottled-up feelings. The mental health benefits of journaling are many. It helps us to clarify our thoughts and feelings, understand ourselves better, minimize stress, problem-solve, and resolve disagreements by writing about them from another's point-of-view  You can also use your journal to confess to feelings or events you do not feel brave enough to confess to other people.
Limit the amount of time you wallow in grief. While you need to let yourself be sad, you also need to understand that there is a certain point at which it is in your best interest to force yourself to move on. It is not healthy to allow broken relationships to deter you from growing and thriving in other areas of life. Take time for yourself, but don't hesitate to get back out there and live your life abundantly. Set a date or general time frame beforehand. Give yourself about half the amount of time you spent in a relationship with your ex or pining after your crush. During this time, mope as much as you need.
Afterward, push yourself forward, even if you still feel like moping. If you want to get over someone, you need to put enough distance in between the two of you to give yourself a chance to heal. Of course, this can be difficult if you work with or have class with the other person.
In this case, the best thing you can do is to limit your interactions to those which are only absolutely essential to your daily life. You do not need to go out of your way to avoid the person you want to get over, but you should not purposefully seek that person out either. Stop checking his or her Facebook, Twitter, blog, Pinterest, or any other social media account associated with that person.
Fixating on how the other person is doing at the moment will only make it harder for you to move on with your life. If you cannot resist the temptation to stalk your obsession's social media accounts while still remaining friends or followers, unfriend or unfollow the person in question. If that person once gave you access to his or her passwords, kindly ask that person to change passwords in order to remove the temptation from you to snoop or stalk. Never be intimate with the person in question.
The Best Way To End A Casual Relationship - mindbodygreen
This refers to both physical and emotional intimacy. Being with this person makes you comfortable, and may even be convenient But continuing to become emotionally intertwined with an ex is not a good idea, because you will have to go through the grieving process all over again after the intimacy is done. Literally "getting over" someone you want to get over is a bad idea for both sexes, but it can be especially awful for women. Physical intimacy causes women to produce oxytocin, a hormone that triggers feelings of connection and affection.
Emotional intimacy can be just as risky, even if the two of you were emotionally intimate before. This sort of connection runs on a deeper level, making it even harder to separate yourself from the person in question. Toss out any reminders. Even if you cut ties and avoid communicating directly with the person you want to get over, you might still have a hard time forgetting someone and moving on if your room is filled with reminders of that person.
Usually, the best thing to do is to pack up any reminders and put them away until you have had enough chance to move on. You could also return certain belongings to the other person - CDs, movies, etc.
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You should actually avoid throwing things out or dramatically setting fire to these painful reminders in an effort to free yourself, no matter how desperate you are to get over someone. If you regret the decision to throw out that expensive watch or burn up a poster autographed by a favorite singer you saw in concert with your ex, you might regret it later. Contrary to what you might think, it is possible to be friends with someone you once had feelings for.
If friendship proves impossible, then at the very least, you might be able to reestablish enough mutual respect so that the two of you can be in the same room together without shooting daggers from your eyes. Do not push yourself to reconcile.
If you cannot get over the hurt and reconciling makes things too difficult, you do not need to go through with it. Only begin the process after you have already accepted the way things are and no longer have any romantic attachment to the person in question. Relationship experts suggest that you allow the grieving process to commence and take time away from one another. Then, sit down and have a candid conversation about how your friendship will work. Extend the hand of friendship once.
If it gets slapped away, accept that reconciliation is out of the question, and move on.